


my vision is clouded by the mist

by BABETSUKKI



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author is regretting a few things, Blood and Gore, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Polyamory, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, i am a poly dteam PIONEER, sapnap-centric, the definition of a projection, the definition of occ, this is gonna be a rollercoasterrr, uhhhh the tags make things look bad i pormise it gets better, will add more tags later, wow i love these cc's! why not make them go through hell in my writings ahaha, you thought george and dream were safe? you thought wrong.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BABETSUKKI/pseuds/BABETSUKKI
Summary: there was something majestic about how the mist covered the water underneath the bridge. can't tell where the water is. can't tell what's down below.can't tell how deadly the fall is.he looks down. the only other thing he can see besides his ratty sneakers is the pavement below his feet.he looks to his right. george is crying.he looks to his left. dream isn't looking him in the eyes.he looks up. the sky is gray and dull, like his eyes in the mirror.he jumps. the fall is beautiful.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Georgenotfound (Video Blogging RPF)/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), GeorgeNotFound/Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 524





	1. bridges and fog

**Author's Note:**

> \- none of the non - con will be written explicitly.  
> \- in no way am i trying to convey that the dream team's lives were like this at all. this is just a work of fiction. im just projecting.  
> \- don't harass anyone about ships or reading fan fiction. thats just weird.  
> \- i dont condone anything written in this book, or am trying to romanticize it. its just how i write. im sorry.  
> \- there are probably more stuff i could say here but in summary, don't be a cunt.

there was something majestic about how the mist covered the water underneath the bridge. can't tell where the water is. can't tell what's down below.

can't tell how deadly the fall is.

he's always loved walking on the railings of bridges. it may scare the shit out of his family and friends anytime he does it, but he loves the thrill. as cheesy at is sounds, it makes him feel something he's never usually felt before. it's something different.

he hates different.

different is weird. different is unnatural. different is looked down upon. different is shunned. different is disgusting. different is..

he's weird. he's unnatural. he's looked down upon. he's shunned. he's disgusting. he's different.

* * *

it's high school once he realized just how shit his life is. he came to this through specifically in the back of the english classroom, during the lesson about commas. he was staring out the window, as usual, and something just clicks in his head. his parents argue non stop, to the point where things are thrown and broken, and sapnap has to cover his little sibling's ears so they don't hear the harsh words thrown around. so they don't pick up the habits that he's slowly getting into. so they don't yell at people for making one mistake and ruining what would've been life long friendships.

he wishes he could tell them both the advice. tell them both to run, and get away from this town before it rots your bones, turns all your insides into mush. turns you into something you will never be able to recognize again.

but he failed english and doesn't know how to convey his words. so he doesn't say anything. he just holds the two sobbing children closer and wishes he could do more to protect them.

his aunt takes them from this house to her's in the summer time, anyways. she leaves him in this hell hole. all alone. just him, and his batshit crazy parents. she says he's too old for her family, and he won't fit well with her other children.

he hates her.

* * *

another thing he realizes, this time in the front of the math classroom during a test, is that he's lonely. 

he doesn't have a family he can rely on anymore, since his mother's resorted to drinking and his father does cocaine on the kitchen counter. the house hasn't been cleaned in weeks, and the only thing he can manage to make himself do are the dishes and laundry. he's pretty sure the landlord has left an eviction notice on his house three months ago. thankfully they don't have the heart to kick him out just yet. 

yet is the keyword in that sentence. at least he learned a little from english. 

(and maybe he should've realized something was wrong with his parents since the beginning. who the hell names their kid sapnap anyway?)

* * *

dream. he remembers meeting him through fucking minecraft of all places. he misses that stupid game. too bad his laptop is smashed in some alley way.

but dream. he loves calling facetiming him, even if dream refuses to show him his face, at around 1 am in the morning, when the town is finally asleep and he can finally truly see the lights. it feels like its really just them, alone together even though they are so many miles apart. 

dream has such a nice voice. he's read sapnap to sleep before, reading a stupid children's book he'd snagged from the library on his way back home. as much as he hates to admit it, sapnap was out in around 10 minuets tops. it just feels nice to experience something he's never had before. his laugh is something out of this world, varying from a chuckle to a wheeze that used to make sapnap worry for his lungs. 

dream's life isn't all unicorns shitting rainbows and leprechauns vomiting gold, though. there are days where the facetime is just sapnap talking softly as he listens to dream's heart wrenching sobs through his now cracked phone. he doesn't really know what to say, what to ask. so he just keeps talking. the one day he asks, they end up just screaming at each other and not calling for a week straight, before dream gives in and calls him at 5 am. they both apologize. 

though sapnap would still like to know what makes dream cry. 

(and punch it to the fucking sun).

* * *

the glass starts to splinter on his 16th birthday. he's found a guy that he really likes, but dream disapproved and they argued for about three hours straight. he didn't understand why dream just didn't see what he did in elijah. he treats him with affection that he'd never had. sure, he makes him a little nervous when he touches him too far, but its nothing that he can't handle. besides, someone is actually giving him the time of day. why wouldn't he want that?

sapnap and elijah do it for the first time at a party. he's pretty sure he was drunk or high. or both. elijah was sober. he can't remember if it was good or not. all he can remember is barely being able to walk straight. he doesn't mind. at least he finally lost his v-card.

(he feels disgusting. he only tells dream what happened. dream screams at him. he screams back).

elijah tells his friends. they all pat him on the back, congratulate for hitting third base. they call sapnap a whore.

he breaks up with elijah the day of prom.

(he pretends to ignore dream's whisper of "i would treat you better." florida's too far anyway)

* * *

dream gets a new friend. his name is george. they talk all the time. dream introduces them both to each other on one big facetime call. sapnap doesn't know what to think of george. he's british. it's also very easy to argue with him.

george is annoying. he doesn't like george.

one thing he notices about george is that he winces at loud noises. even though half of what he says he screams. george has plain brown hair and brown eyes. george plays tennis. george plays three instuments, piano, violin, and flute. he takes the british version of whatever they call ap classes over there, and is learning to become a doctor. he's the school council president. he's an only child. 

george hates tennis. he doesn't even like the flute. he hates hospitals and blood. he doesn't want to become a doctor. the student council doesn't even do much anyway, just gets high of their asses during partys and get off scot free. he wishes he had more siblings.

george is pretty cool. for a british person. its pretty fun getting into stupid arguments with him. 

* * *

he's seventeen now, and nothing has changed. he doesn't feel older, just more tired. he visits the bridge on his birthday, and it isn't foggy. he stands on the railing to look out towards the water below.

dream facetimes him. he doesn't even bother reaching for his phone in his pocket. dream facetimes him again. he picks up.

"..."

"..."

neither of them say a word.

"..happy birthday, sapnap." dream mumbles. sapnap blinks.

"i guess." just one more year surviving instead of living.

"i can fly you out to florida. it sounds like shit there anyway."

he wants to say yes so badly. he wants to board that plane and fly to florida. to dream. he wants to see him and give his best friend a hug. (he wants to kiss dream).

"nah, flights are expensive. i can't have you waste all your money on little old me."

"its worth the money."

he wants to say yes. why wont he say yes. there is nothing in this town for him anyway.

"nah. save your money for college. you're probably more likely to actually do something useful out of the three of us with a college degree."

"that's not true and you know it, sapnap."

"don't give me that bullshit, dream. im failing all my classes and george doesn't even have choice, and he cant physically do medical shit. don't waste your money on something not worth it."

"you are worth it." dream mumbles. sapnap doesn't answer.

george joins with a yawn. no one says good morning.

"i accidentally relapsed last night." george says with such sadness in his tone it makes sapnap's heart hurt. "i was clean for almost two months. i don't even remember what caused it."

"im sorry." is all dream says. sapnap doesn't say anything. he hates himself so much in that moment. why can he never say anything comforting?

"i.." sapnap has to think about what he's going to say. "i wish that didn't happen. im sorry."

he surprises them both, he can tell. dream is barely even breathing as he waits for george's response.

"thanks sapnap." usually people would be annoyed by such a dry response, but sapnap finds himself smiling for the first time in a while. maybe there's some hope for him left afterall.


	2. summer calls and shitty parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im slowly getting the hang of formatting in ao3, it's just so different from wattpad. so forgive me if anything looks off. also shout out to the parents who think they can beat the gay out of their children. (please let me know if you think i should cross post on wattpad (under the same username))

summer starts off with a bang. almost literally, as his town does its annual founding day celebration the first day of june. 

sapnap has surprising hopes for this summer. he doesn't know why, but at least he finally has his actual driving license now. he manages to buy a car, which he slowly moves into over the first two weeks of having it.

his mother takes off first. he's pretty sure she's gone to either los angeles or vegas. his father sticks around for a few days longer, but sapnap eventually finds him in the mcdonald's bathroom with needles in his arm. he doesn't wake up. he doesn't bother calling an ambulance.

the landlord finally ends the lease to the apartment. at least he get's a few days off work.

* * *

he facetimes george during the fireworkds. if he wasn't an idiot, he would've noticed how shaky george's hands got throughout the night as the fireworks increased. he would've noticed how quickly george was breathing. he notices too late, and george has hung up.

he feels like a monster. 

he accidentally cuts himself with the razor as he's shaving at 6 am in the boy's locker room. he does it again. and again.

it feels sort of soothing. like he's finally giving himself something he deserves. when someone asks, he blames it on his cat.

(everyone knows he doesn't have a cat)

* * *

_sapnap's next facetime is with all three of them, and he apologizes to george. george says its fine and he wasn't really bothered._

_george is a fucking liar._

* * *

july comes sooner than he expected, and sapnap doesn't really know what to think. what in the hell is he gonna do with his future?

(should he even have one..?)

he visits the bridge again. the fall looks farther than it normally does. it makes him nervous, and he misses dream.

he nearly falls, but manages to catch himself at the last second. he doesn't know why he stopped himself. 

he calls dream. he doesn't pick up. he calls again. dream answers, and he can see his arms. anything he was just about to say flies out of his head as he stares.

they're riddled with bruises, and they all look new. and painful. different shades of pink, purple, and even some blue and green riddle his skin in an almost beautiful way, like a galaxy. dream's breath is also slightly shaky, like it hurts to inhale. sapnap bets if he lifted dream's shirt he would find more bruises there.

"what the hell happened to you?!" sapnap yells, looking around to make sure no one is around before lowering his voice. "and don't say nothing, i can literally _see_ the bruises all over your skin. are you not telling me something?"

dream is silent for a long time. "i..i came out to my parents. my dad beat the everloving shit out of me and my mom's sending me to a conversion camp for the rest of the summer and up until the first week of school. they're gonna take my phone and look through everything. i'm literally hiding in a fucking taco bell bathroom to call you." 

sapnap blinks in shock, subconsciously taking a step down from the bridge's edge and pacing on the smooth stone pavement. "what the hell do you mean, came out to your parents? your gay?! why did you never tell me?"

"i literally did, sapnap. the three of us literally spent a whole day dedicated to pride. how the hell did you forget?"

"i don't know, i just thought you were just an ally or something. but are you ok? and a fucking conversion camp!?" 

dream hums in confirmation and sapnap stop pacing to sit on the hot concrete. "i'm kind of glad you said no to flying to florida now. who know's would've happened." dream says with a chuckle that sounds painful. 

"yeah..." he says, as the two of them get quiet. "when are you telling george?" 

"i don't think i can, if im honest. they're taking my phone and laptop tonight, and george is probably asleep right now. i just wish i could say goodbye to him 

it all goes silent again, and sapnap can feel the sun's rays beaming down on him, like they're mocking the situation. he's suddenly hyper aware of what dream just told him, and his skin crawls. 

"can i send you a picture of my face or something? so you don't forget me?" dream blurts out, suddenly sounding more nervous than he's ever sounded this whole call. "i know your gonna say that you won't forget me, but what if you do? what if i call from a new number and say, 'hey this is dream', and you and george say 'who'? what if i call, and it's awkward cuz we don't know what to say anymore? what if i disappear..?" he says with a sob. 

sapnap feels like his heart is going to break in two, and puts the phone on speaker to quickly spam george to wake up. if that stupid british idiot doesn't wake up now, and misses dream saying...goodbye, then he's never going to forgive himself. 

"dream, i've known you for most of my life. i will never forget you. it's always gonna be easy to talk to you, cuz its you! it's dream, my buddy, my pal. your never gonna disappear, not if i can help it." sapnap says with a tear in his eye. he wipes it away, he can't be the one crying right now. 

"...are you sure?" 

"since when do i lie?" 

"well-" 

__"that was rhetorical, shut up."__

____

that makes dream laugh, and sapnap grins. at least he's good for something. 

__

george spams the groupchat to call there so he knows what's happening, and they call there. dream re-explains what's happening. george cries for 5 minuets straight. 

__

dream sends that picture. he has olive green eyes, and dirty blond hair. he's kind of pale, and has so many freckles it looks like the night sky. his face is littered with bruises, though a lot less than the ones on his arms. he's beautiful. 

__

of course sapnap doesn't tell him that. he just says 'hot' and george has the audacity to only send a thumbs up. dream sends a smiley face. 

__

he decides that he want's to live for dream. he wants to see him return home to him and george. he's worth it. _dream_ is worth it.

__

* * *

__

_"you guys are too fucking worried. stop crying, you idiots, i'm not worth your tears. besides, it's more of a see you later, than a goodbye."_

__

* * *

__

he learns a lot about george, seeing as they call so much more often now. george is colorblind, specifically protan. his favorite colors are grey and blue, and he loves harry potter. his favorite animal is a shark, and he's really good at coding. he'd much rather go to school for software engineering.

__

george's mother are the definition of a control freak. she tracks everything he does, from calories eaten, to milliseconds studied. she picks the clothes he wears and the friends he can hang around with. she allows only three hours of his saturdays to be in his own free time, as long as those three hours are something she approves.

__

"i honestly feel like im suffocating sometimes." george laments to sapnap on a cold late august afternoon. "i just want to be able to make my own decisions without her hawking over my back. everytime i do something wrong, she says it's terrible and im worthless. am i worthless, sapnap?"

__

sapnap pauses for a second, the wind beating sticks against the windshield. he has words in his head that he just can't quite say. feelings that he just can't confess yet. 

__

"yeah, i figured." george says into the silence, dropping his phone so his face isn't in view. "shouldn't have asked the question."

__

"you're-" sapnap swallows, his throat suddenly becoming the driest he's ever felt it. "you're not worthless george. you're such a cool person and you have so many things you're good at, even if you hate them all. to still do well in the stuff you hate takes actual fucking skill. and besides, your worth it to me and dream, aren't you?"

__

its the most sapnap has ever said about someone who isn't dream, and he feels what seems like his whole body light on fire as he waits for a response. maybe, just maybe, he's falling in l-

__

"thank you sapnap." george interrupts his thoughts with a sob. "i need to go to bed now before my mum catches me awake, but thank you. I-I just wanted to say that..."

__

he doesn't finish the sentence. 

__

(sapnap hangs up first. george is in love with dream anyway, whether he refuses to admit it or not. those words aren't meant for him, no matter how bad he wants them)

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- more plot progression. the abusive relationship isnt for the three of them by the way, in case you couldn't tell. also, don't mind my shit grammar. like sapnap, i too failed english (almost at least), but i'm trying my best.  
> \- i am not trying to bash anyone's religion, practice whatever the fuck you want. its just a good plot trope.  
> \- they're all also around the same age, instead of george being 3 years older than dream and 4 years older than sapnap.


	3. we grow closer as time moves slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> extra tw for this chapter: mental breakdowns, panic attacks, self harm, and a little bit of medical procedure (taking out glass from hands with tweezers, bandaging wounds)
> 
> \- see guys im not dead, only kind of. (basically i got really sick then school started while i was sick and o boy was that not fun). i also basically redid the my original plot idea so that took a bit to rethink.

its october and sapnap is losing his mind.

george has been strangely distant since their call, like there's something he wants to say but just won't. they don't make the same jokes they used to. they walk on eggshells around each other and every conversation feels like a dance on a bed of thorns. move quick enough and it won't hurt too much, but stop and linger and it claws at your skin until you bleed and bleed and bleed.

he yells at george on call once. tells him to just say what he wants to. that he's tired of the lie they're living currently. he screams words that he doesn't even remember and cries tears that he doesn't know the emotion behind. george doesn't respond for the longest time and sapnap wonders if he should've done things differently. he's the first to hang up. he hates himself for it. and sends an "im sorry" soon after.

* * *

_(george says its ok. that he doesn't really care. why does he always lie?)_

* * *

he doesnt really know what causes him to loose it in the bathroom of the mall. (well, he has a vauge idea.) one minute he's staring at himself in the reflection of the mirror, cursing quietly at who knows what. next he's smashing into the mirror and screaming at the top of his lungs.

_(something's wrong, something's missing, **someone's** missing things aren't how their supposed to be, why cant he just be happy, why cant things, just be okay why can't he just breathe)_

the same question plays over and over again in his head, and he feels like his soul is leaving his body, like he could just fall over and die on the spot. 

_(why isn't he safe, why isn't he okay, why isn't he normal why is this the only thing he's known why cant he just be in a place that doesn't make him feel afraid-)_

everything is too loud and he can't feel his fingers, no matter how much he tries to move them. his head feels like its echoing every sound it hears and he can faintly feel himself start to slip away, not into unconsciousness but more into something of the back of his mind, watching but not being able to control a thing he does. its just empty. void. nothing.

he doesn't remember passing out until he opens his eyes to a dull throbbing pain in his hands and a chill in his entire body. sapnap's whole body feels like static. like he's on mute to the whole world around him. he somehow ended up sprawled out on the cold marble floor and his throat burns like its on fire, like he's been screaming for hours and hours.

the pain in his hands intensifies once his senses actually return to him and he hisses as he shakily stands up, feeling a tiredness he's never felt before settle into the depth of his bones. his arm is seriously stinging, along with additional pain in his legs that make his whole feel body feel like its being set on fire and doused in gasoline. he looks down in a daze, and it makes sense.

the broken glass from the mirror sprayed just about everywhere and embedded itself into his knuckles, from where he punched the mirror. he also has some scrapes on his arms, leaving angry red lines trailing up and down his skin. there's also some glass sticking in his jeans, and he feels his mind start to shut off the longer he looks at his injuries.

he touches his face, and feels glass there too. he wonders how fucked he looks right now. probably no more than usual.

his phone is vibrating on the floor, and he flips it to see its cracked and george is calling him. he picks up.

"hello?"

"sapnap, what the hell? ive been calling you for like three hours, where the fuck have you been?!"

"... i fucked up george. i fucked up bad."

"what? what's that supposed to mean?"

"i-i dont know, i just got overwhelmed or _something_ and next thing i know they're broken glass and-and i can't, i couldn't breathe george, and i wake up and there's fucking glass _everywhere_ , george what the fuck do i do?"

"what?! im so confused, sapnap, what do you mean glass? where _are_ you?! did you hurt yourself?!"

"..."

"...sap? your gonna be ok, right? right?!"

"i think so... but i cant afford to go to a hospital."

"hospital?! i thought you dropped a bottle or something, what the fuck?! what did you _do_ , sap?"

"i-...i don't really know. i think i had one of those panic attacks or something. i was just standing in a bathroom, then next thing i know i punched the mirror and i wake up to glass in my fucking skin and hair, and everywhere. im pretty sure my phone's cracked."

"sap...i-"

"it's my fucking fault, im so fucking-"

"what the hell do you mean your fault?! that's not the issue here, you stupid-"

"yes it is! i could do this again, and i'm a danger to my own fucking body, and i'm pretty sure im gonna fucking die from blood loss or glass in my stupid viens because my parents left me for drugs and alcohol and now i can't afford to go to the hospital that i wouldn't be able to need to go to if i wasn't just so _stupid_. i'm fucked, george, and im not sure i can keep doing this."

its silent. the only sound either of them hear is sapnap's ragged breathing.

"sap. i-i don't really know what to say, but don't do anything stupid. we have no idea when dream's coming back, but i'd rather have him come back to both of us instead just one. or even worse, neither of us at all."

he adds the last bit with a quick draw of breath and a quiver in this voice and sapnap feels his eyes widen and his body stiffen. but just before he can open his mouth and speak, george clears his throat and continues.

"anyways, we need to get the glass out of your arms and... oh fuck, i should've paid more attention in first aid."

"didn't your mom give you like a ten page after test about the class _after_ your final test?"

"yeah, but it's not like i actually learned, i just spat back the answers. but what's around you? is anyone around?"

"george, i'm in a fucking bathroom. _no_ , there's no one else around." sapnap looks out of the stall anyway, just to make sure that what he said is right. it is, and he quickly ducks back in.

"your such a... um, if you have a hoodie maybe just throw it on then we can stop at like a Boots or something." something falls on george's end and he mutters a curse under his breathe as he moves to pick it up.

"... _Boots_? is that one of those bitishnese things?" sapnap says in a mocking tone, following george's instructions and putting on a hoodie. he feels sort of numb, like everything that just happened is actually a dream. his head feels almost fuzzy, like a thick blanket has covered his senses and left everything dull. he lets out a small giggle.

"your such an idiot."

"yeah, but you looove me."

george doesn't answer and sapnap takes him off speaker to walk outside the bathroom and towards the exit of the mall. it seems that he was in there longer than he thought, seeing as there is next to no one in the mall, save for a few janitors. the skylight above emits warm orange rays, and he takes a picture.

dream would love that type of picture. 

* * *

he actually pays for the bandages and tweezers he picks up from the corner store instead of just swiping them like usual, and george walks him through how to pick out the glass from his skin and how to bandage them. he did it right on the parking lot, and got a few glares. some woman yelled at him, saying that he would traumatize her kid. he blinks up at her and she smacks him in the face.

_(what else is new?)_

the silence afterwards borders between awkward and comfortable as sapnap walks the darkening path back towards his car. the sky is changing from a brilliant orange to a soothing blue, and somehow, somehow it feels like things are going to change. whether for the better or worse he doesn't know. it scares him.

the win blows over the empty street. he shivers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this work is also being officially crossposted on wattpad! its under the same name as this account, so yeah


End file.
